What We Could Have Had (Or What We Are Left With)
by ohmygoshwhatascream
Summary: This is how it's supposed to be. So why does it all feel so wrong? (Cross-posted on ao3)


"I'm going to marry her"

Shulk says one day, as he and Reyn sit alone, their feet dangling off the edge of the cylinder hanger far above Colony 9.

Reyn doesn't move, he doesn't even seem to react, he just continues gazing out over the horizon.

Shulk would have thought he hadn't heard him speak if it weren't for the way his muscles had tensed, and he had seen the other's jaw tighten subtlety at his words.

They sat their in silence, guilt and thoughts of what could have been clinging at their hearts.  
Shulk loved Fiora, he really did.

.

But this was Reyn.

His best friend, the person who'd been by his side the longest, the person who had stayed with him through thick and thin.  
They'd been through so much together, and Shulk loved him with all his heart.

He knew that Reyn felt exactly the same way.

But here, sitting right here, in this moment, they knew that whatever they thought they had, they had to let go.  
(It was too late, it wasn't going to work)

The kisses they'd shared in the dead of the night, fleeting touches and glances at one another.

Their subtle words and comments, the promise of something more.

Yet it had never come.

Neither had had the courage to say something to change it all.

While the feelings had been there, it was all too much.

They stayed where they were, loving each other from afar, and now it was too late.

.

Shulk loved Fiora so damn much.

It wasn't the same as it had been with Reyn, but it was enough.

More than enough.

Even though it wasn't what he had wanted, what he had always thought, he was happy.

But he still wanted more.

It wasn't just him, either.

.

Fiora was happy.

But she too, wanted more.

.

So when Shulk caught her staring wistfully at Melia, he didn't say anything.

Just like she didn't say anything when his own eyes lingered on Reyn.

.

He couldn't break her heart, wouldn't dare.

And she couldn't break his.

.

This was how it was supposed to be.

.

So they remained together.

.

(But why did it feel so wrong?)

.

While neither was truly happy, they had enough.

It was enough.

It had to be.

.

And Reyn, he was doing fine.

He'd found a kindred spirit in Sharla, and while their relationship was rocky, Reyn treading on eggshells and Sharla gradually nursing her broken heart, the chemistry between the two was plain to see.

They both loved each other.

They really did.

.

But Reyn wasn't Gadolt.

He never would be, he could never replace that empty hole in her heart.

And while he filled some of the gaps, he'd never be what she wanted.

.

But he was good enough.

.

Sharla wasn't the person that Reyn had dreamt of.

.

No.

Not at all.

.

He'd wanted Shulk, they'd wanted each other, but it was all too late.

.

So they all remained in their not-quite-enough relationships, not happy, but close enough.

They could always fake the smiles.

(They'd been doing it for years already)

.

So their relationship blossomed into something more, but deep in their hearts, they were nothing more than friends.

In the end, it wasn't what they wanted, but it was enough.

.

Everything they had just reminded them of what they'd lost, or what they could no longer have.

But they all needed something, no matter how forged it was.

Just pretending that it was all okay made everything seem that tiny bit better.

.

That scared Shulk.

The way that they had all faked these picture-perfect lives.

Their fake smiles and their fake love.

.

Love that did exist, and was there, but not in the way it was needed.

.

Reyn was supposed to be his best friend, and Fiora would soon be his wife.

(She'd say yes. Pretending has become normal for them all)

So why did it feel like it should be the other way round?

.

It all scared him so damn much.

.

The emptiness he felt in his heart when he gazed as his supposed-lover.

The butterflies that burst in his stomach as he gazed at his best friend.

The guilt he felt as he saw Fiora's gaze linger on a certain crown princess for slightly longer than necessary.

.

But they were too far in now.

.

When he was younger, he'd always thought he'd be happier than this.

He had been, for a while, years ago.

And on some days he still was.

.

Sometimes, he thought that maybe he could love Fiora, and maybe he was okay seeing Reyn and Sharla trying their damned hardest to be happy.

(He really wasn't)

.

The four of them were trapped in what they thought it should be.

But it was too late to go back now.

.

"congratulations man"

Reyn answers, turning to smile at Shulk.

It doesn't reach his eyes, and he looks so, so tired.

(He never used to look like that)

.

But it's enough, it's fake and it's pretend, but that's what they've been doing for years.

.

Shulk smiles as back, just as plastic and forced, and he pushes down his last remaining feelings of regret.

.

But, as the sun begins to set, and as brown eyes gaze into blue, he feels a tiny part of his soul shatter.

He leans forward, pushing his lips softly against Reyn's.

.

They stay like that, sharing soft kisses under a sky ablaze with orange, Reyn's hand cupping Shulk's chin, and Shulk's fingers tangled in Reyn's hair.

Eventually, they pull apart.

.

And that's it.

.

Reyn stands up.

They share one last glance, neither of them say anything.

.

The moment ends, it's over.

.

Reyn walks away.

.

He's got his own plans to make.

Sharla may just be a friend, deep within his heart, but they've got their own lies to keep up.

.

So he leaves Shulk for the last time, and it is the last time.

.

It's too late now.

They had their chance, yet they still didn't take it.

.

That was it.

Their last kiss.

As he gazes out over the horizon, he feels his throat tighten and his eyes water.

.

He smiles at the sun disappearing over the hills, fake and brittle, just like everyone else.

He's happy.

.

They're all happy.

.

(But they're really not)


End file.
